Tuesday 12 August 2014

Honor Killing

Stories from Holidays.


Honor Killing in Kashmir. 

 I want to share a very sad incident of an unnoticed ,unreported case of honor killing in a rural area of Kashmir with all of you today. I hope you will go through this story to support so many women in rural areas who are fighting for their birth rights. 

One day during my holidays I was sitting outside my house with family and we were enjoying beautiful weather of Kashmir. My brother-in-law’s house is just below our house that we normally talk from our lawns with each other.We were sitting up and he was sitting down with family in his lawn and we were talking with each other, his phone started ringing. He answered call and after finishing said to my mother-in-law , “ Mother get ready as you have to attend a funeral in village.”  My mother in law was sad and asked sadly, “ Who died?” Brother-in-law told her about a young lady and explained that it is said that she committed suicide. My mother-in- law then negated to attend the funeral and explained as the girl did not respect the will of God and finished her life. All the family started talking about that lady who was most beautiful girl of village and all felt sad and were wondering what can be the reason behind this suicide. After almost half hour my sister-in-law called us and asked if her mother , my mother –in-law will attend funeral , but she negated on same ground, then my sister- in – law told that it is just a rumor and she has also heard that she is murdered. All of us got surprised and my mother-in-law became sympathetic and quickly got ready to attend funeral.

Mother- in - law left with some other ladies from surrounding for funeral. We were all waiting desperately for her return. When she came back all of us anxiously asked about situation. She told us that everybody was talking that her bother murdered her. She explained that she was in love with brother-in-law of her older sister and they wanted to marry but family was not ready for this relation. When she asked her brothers to let her marry with that guy they got very angry and they forced her to marry their another cousin whom she did not like. After marriage she was not happy and mostly was staying in her mother’s home. She tried to end relation but cousin knew all story and was not ready for any such thing. Finding no hope the girl and other guy( sister's brother- in - law) started contacting and calling each other again , to find some way out.  When brother came to know about this situation he broke the phone and this was ongoing thing , boy use to send her new phone again and again whenever it was broken by her brothers. Finally brother got angry and he told to her sister if he came to know that they are contacting each other he will kill her and he swear on God for this.
I do not know how long this continued and finally boy and girl ran from home and brother got the news. He took some cousins with him and started searching for her and when he got her , he took her in a nearby jungle and killed her. No one knows how he killed her?

My mother-in-law tried to inquire how they have killed her if someone have given her bath in preparation for burial and seen any marks on her body(according to Islam when anyone dies , people give bath and clean dead body before sending them to grave)  , but all told that when they arrived family had prepared and packed the body and left face out for seeing.  But many suspect that they held her breath by a piece of cloth as people seen a piece of cloth and her one shoe in jungle.

All of us were very sad and thought and talked about this situation for many days. It is believed to be a sad and unreported case of “Honor Killing”. We thought that even if someone reports this case, there will be nothing( no punishment) as according to law , her mother or her husband can forgive the murderer , who seems to be her brother and he will not be punished at all.  

There was severe rain at night and it continuously rained all day and many houses fell, land and crops were destroyed, there were many road slides and surprising it rained only in that particular area from that jungle till our village and almost everybody opened holy book Quran and asked for forgiveness from God, as everybody believed that a big sin is committed by people of village and no one stood against it. Everyone was really scared and was thinking that whole city will slide or sink the way it was raining.

I do not know when the people will learn about Islam properly, Islam allows females to express their will for marriage. But mostly people in our part do not care for the will of females and decide their destiny as they want. When she asked properly from family to let her marry that guy , no one allowed her and forced her in marriage with a guy whom she never liked. I believe that her family forced her to run with that guy as they had not left any option for her. No one knows what were their plans but according to Islam a female cannot marry 2 guys at same time.

What about the mother , who is still calm and quiet after losing her child. You will be thinking, what can be circumstances behind that are keeping her away from getting justice for her daughter? May be it's that typical South East Asian mentality , where mother prefer their sons on daughters. Mother do not want her son get hurt and go to jail , no matter what he does .. even kill his sister.
What brother was trying to show actually ? He is real "MAN" ? He is strong? Why no one can deviate from his decision or will? He is smart and wise ? 

I was wondering what can be done in such situation were family members are killers. Is there any way to get justice for such ladies? This was really a sad event and I do not think I can forget this ever. People believe that they killed her and told to people that she committed suicide.... SIGH. Many people also believe that her beauty got bad eyes and she had this horrible end.

There was no report of incident and unfortunately no investigation was done that can make it clear , if it was a murder or a suicide. The truth is buried under deep soil with her beauty forever.

Unfortunately I do not know that girl personally as I never had the time to meet the people of my in-laws village. I hope that people will read from that particular area and stand against this crime. The girl who died need support of villagers for justice. I believe if this crime of brothers went unnoticed then they can be harmful for people in many ways. 

I really hate all those posts that are shared by people on social media about "real man". This is the result of those posts that people believe they will be real when they will be killers. There really are real man in world but I believe they are those , who open world on you , tell you what to do and what is right time to do, who trust you, stand with you, give you confidence to fight for your right. Who appreciate you and trust you as a women. Who do not think that they are perfect and know that they have their own weaknesses and do not feel shy to admit. They are not afraid to express emotions. 

Names of people and place is not mentioned intentionally. 

I am praying from God to bring forward the truth by giving a push to villagers to stand against this crime.  

I appeal from concerned authorities to take strict action and bring culprits to their end. I hope that the court will take notice of this inhuman and brutal act. 


                                        Please Do not Kill Me!!!!  
                                        
                                         Let me live my Life !!!

 

52 comments:

  1. Such killings have more to do with culture than religion. We are Muslims because we were born to Muslim parents, not by choice. I personally belongs to that area and won't be any less "Ghairat-mand" than anyone else. I believe if one's sister /daughter want to marry someone you don't like, you should try to convince her to your best and then just let her get married there if you fail. Try to forgive her and if you cannot, tell her she is no more alive for you so just live her life and never contact again.

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    1. Thank you Yasir for your time. I really appreciate. Yes you are right in saying that , its better to think she is dead for you rather killing her. The point is ... Let her live her life..... If... you can not convince her.
      But what type of garit mandi is this that if you do not like anyone .. no one can like him/her???

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    2. But in Islam you are not allowed to marry a girl against her will no matter how "ghairat mand" you are. And why should your like or dislike matter... You're not getting married, she is!
      She's a human being too, she has feelings and emotions, likes and dislikes as well, just like you.
      And this has nothing to do with religion! Please don't mix culture with religion. Don't defend honor killings in the name if religion.

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  2. Every body is born free. There is no difference between a woman and man in Islam as long as they are individual beings. Under the institution of FAMILY, women as wives are told to obey their husbands as the Head of the family. This is the Law described by ALLAH in holy Quran. Beside this, both man and woman as husband and wife have rights upon each other and no one should cross the limits told by Allah.

    Now what you wrote is very common in our society. Lack of proper education is the main reason. No body is allowed to kill anybody. In only two situations Allah permitted to kill. The first one, when somebody kill somebody without any reason, second when somebody becomes a threat to society (Fasad fil Arz). Please note that, this permission is not for individuals. Only authorities are allowed to implement the law. Being a student of Islam and Quran-o-Sunat, i know that a woman should be asked before her marriage. If she is not willing to marry then it should not be forced. In any case if she want to marry with her own will, and her parents and brothers thinks that she is wrong then the best thing to do is to talk with her, tell her about right and wrongs of her decision. They can involve her close friends. If they fail to convenience then let her marry in a good and noble way. But when you force her to marry then normally people react in their own ways what they think is good for them.

    We should respect the Liberty (as given by Islam) of both man and woman. Woman like man have the equal right to marry with their own will. Both man and woman should not engage themselves in ways that are largely disrespected by the society. This is also a main reason that lead to such situations.

    Majid-Pallandri

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  3. Thank you Majid for your time , you have explained it very nicely. This was my point. I wish people may have at least some understanding of Islam and can save themselves and others from committing sins.
    This happened in Haijra in July and all family members were quiet as no one wants to loose another family member.. brother... who people believe is the killer.
    Thank you

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  4. its very sad....

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  5. Hmmm.What u hv written is v common in our society.We should know the root cause of this type of dieseases like zina,Hidden friendships,weak family bounds,unsuccessful marriages etc?The root cause is unawareness/lack of quranic education.Islam says k buchon ki balig hotay sath nikkah karo,If in any society Nikkah culture is not aam then zinna culture and the acts u mentioned are v common.So,In short,If we want peace,every indiviual should stick to our Islamic teachings.

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    1. You are right in saying that. I really appreciate your time. You are right its the duty of parents to guide their children. As you know Islam , much better than me and a practicing women , I have a question in my mind if you can help me answer that ...
      Do Islam really allow women to marry a man she likes....Or there is no permission at all....
      Liking I do not mean that she is talking all night with him.... may be she have seen him just once passing from somewhere or had to deal n is impressed by his honesty... then can she ask family to let her marry that man??? I hope my question is clear ... I will be happy if you can reply.

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  6. Hmmm.Actually Islam gives right of liking or disliking to everyone with no discrimination of gender. However,under some limits as u mentioned.Like hazrat Khadija was impressed by nabi SAW and sent message of shadi by his uncle and so on...So,if v follow the sunnah things would b more clear.Secondly,without wali's permission women nikkah not allowed.In conclusion,woman can shows her intensions but final decision would b made by mutual understanding of woman and wali.

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    1. Hmm mean atleast she have permission and then she can convince her guardian to send proposal but alas in our society if any female send proposal then you can imagine about disaster

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    2. I have one more question amna.
      As in this case girl was going for (suppose) second marriage ( just God knows their plans) do she still need permission of guardian ??? (She was married once and this was second chance that she was trying to take.)
      I hope you will spare some time to help me understanding this.

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  7. Very important question u hv asked dear.Case of widow or divorced woman is different from unmarried woman.Now,Definitely,wali are must for Nikkah but If a widow/divorced wants to marry somewhere then she is independant in her decision,no one can force her.

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    1. Hmmm , so if she was asking for divorce from first husband again she have that right.
      Thank you dear for help. I appreciate that.

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  8. This is so unbearable sad... I've read many stories that are similar and it seems that they are rarely brought to justice. Westerners, like me, are totally confused by this. But it makes my heart so very heavy.

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    1. I am living in Kashmir but I have not never heard about honor killing this in Kashmir. Unfortunately it has also started there. This is against Law , against religion. With passage of time we should improve but the case is reverse here, unfortunately.

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  9. I read you post with great interest and share your feelings both about what happened to this innocent woman and about what should happen to the persons responsible for this and similar crimes.

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    1. I hope that responsible will be hanged till death in public. So no one will dare to do so in future.

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  10. I am very saddened by your post but even more so by some of the comments that say this is a very common thing. I was in Bangladesh many years ago during a time of acid burnings and this had the same effect. Many people just accepted it as the way things are. This is crazy. People can not kill people and certainly not because you feel dishonored because they love someone you do not like. Thanks for bringing this to our attention but at the same time it is very disturbing even though this is not the first time I have heard of such incidents.

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    1. Hello Tim
      This never came to my notice before in Kashmir, it can be common anywhere, but I heard this happening near us for the first time. Yes this really is very sad incident I tried to write for her and talked with a lot of people about this and now we hope that the responsible have to pay for this ... I will also share what was affect of shouting against this crime. I am happy there is some effect. Killing should not be acceptably in anyway. I will try my best to speak for this lady unless she get some justice. Thank you for support.

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  11. This is a terrible story, and not the first I have heard. How to bring people to justice is important, but spreading awareness of the situation is the first step.

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    1. Hello A.K.Andrew
      I have written this story and posted (on facebook ) in many groups (of people who belong to same place). This step really turned out good. Now people came to know it was not a suicide. It was a murder. I am thankful to you for support. Yes awareness is really first step.

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  12. Please don't stop writing about these things. keep the fight.

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  13. Hi Andleeb - even though this makes me sad, I am so glad that you write about these things and keep awareness of these injustices front and center. I do have one question - you say it is against the law, so why isn't this investigated or are the people in power of the same mind-set - that women don't count. I am so sorry this happened.
    Lenie

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    1. Hello Lenie
      It surly is against the law and no one filed case against this as family turned it as suicide etc. When it comes to suicide then all hate is towards the dead as we do not accept illegal end of life. Family was successful and case was not filed and there was no investigation but now when poeple came to know it is a murder ... and stood against this and hopefully investigation will start soon as many people from area got aware and signed on a petition for investigation..... I hope she will get justice

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  14. I am so sorry to read this story. It's painful to read this one and others related to women not being given choices. I wish you strength in that it must be hard even to write about. Good luck to you.

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    1. Thank you Leora
      I came across this atrocity against a women in my town and I was really saddened by this, so thought to write about this to let her know , someone , somewhere cares for her.
      May her soul rest in peace.

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  15. This is such a sad story. Somehow this sort of thing must stop. If only people didn't blame religion for their awful actions.

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    1. Hello Beth
      It is against law and religion , but we have many intolerant people in society who just want others to live according to their thoughts.

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  16. This is such a sad story. As a Westerner, I have great difficulty understanding the culture and mentality that leads to this. And I've only ever heard of women being killed in honour killings, never men. It's important that you shared this story and I share your desire for it to stop.

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    1. Hello Donna
      I am from same culture but still can not understand that particular mentality or force or aggression that lead to this unacceptable act against women.
      Thank you so much for your support.

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  17. It is so sad to hear of this killing, but it's good that you are writing about it and sharing your words of wisdom to bring awareness to Islam peoples. I'm sure the deceased's family appreciate this. Hopefully there will be no more murders.

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    1. Hello Lorraine
      Unfortunately deceased family is responsible for this killing....
      I hope so there will be no murders, this can only be possible if the culprits get severe punishment for their wrong doing.... I am praying.

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  18. This is heartbreaking and so brave of you to share this story. Many of the comments also provide some insight to the views others hold.

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    1. Hello JeriWB
      I hope she will get justice. This is only thing that I want for deceased.
      Thank you.

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  19. I can't understand why there is no punishment for the brother? You mentioned in a comment above that it is against the law and religion. So where is the law? Does fear rule the minds of many? I am very sad to read your story yet am glad you have shared it.

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    1. Hello
      There is a law that if the family forgives murderer then there is not punishment for him/her. Can live freely. As it is suspected that brother is murderer so mother have the authority to forgive the blood of daughter to her son. This is case here but now the people of town are very angry about this and have signed a petition for the severe punishment of brother. I hope brother will not live freely. As the poeple of town have requested that they are scared of his activity and suspect he can be dangerous for them , in this case he can be locked up and face punishment. Lets keep our fingers crossed.

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  20. This sickened me to depths of my soul. She had a right to live a happy life. To be killed by her own brother for wanting and acting on that is beyond my comprehension. The worst part to me is, it was condoned. So very, very sad.

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    2. Hello Susan

      My feelings are not much different. That was only reason I talked about this a lot when I was there I talked to people and told them that this is unfair to snatch anything from others and when it comes to life.... Its totally out of question according to law and religion. Many like me do not accept this brutality.
      I am trying that people in establishment hear this and Court take suo moto action. I hope all of you will share this story as much as possible and I am trying my best in my capacity for justice.
      I hope this will not get unnoticed, I am talking to many and convincing them to stand and few have took action lets see... I am hopeful. - See more at:

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  21. Hi Anna. This is truly heartbreaking to read. How family members can go about killing their own blood for honor is beyond me.

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    1. Yes you are right Tatia but there are few mad people in society that do not bother about anything but their ego. This was really unfortunate. I hope you will share this story to stand against this.

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  22. The first time I heard of these honor killings, I was deeply hurt and pained. I wish there would be alternative ways to handle disputes as women are really in circles of despair.

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    1. Hello Welli
      This is common in South East Asia I have heard many times but first time it happened in my part.

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  23. This is so sad and heartbreaking. Women endure so much and it pains me to think that this could happen.

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    1. Hello Niekka
      I feel same for her. I have pain in my heart and I am trying to spread this message. I wish justice will come soon.

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  24. I have so many thoughts about this, I barely know where to start. First of all, I hope you are safe. I know that some people encounter danger when they speak out about such things, and I think you're very brave to talk about this. Secondly, I agree with your definition of a real man. Most of all, my heart breaks for that girl, her mother, and the man she loved. I can't even make sense out of all of it, from my western point of view. Perhaps that is a good thing. There is no religion or culture where it should make sense to kill a person in this way. May God have mercy on all of us.

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    1. Hello Meredith
      Yes I am safe and now the culprits are in trouble. people of whole village stood against them and now culprits are in jail. Will share updates soon.
      This has noting to do with religion as religion do not allow this at all. Nor do we have such culture but you know some mentally sick are everywhere who just care about their ego and nothing else.
      Thank you so much for your support.

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  25. This can be hard to understand for those who are not Muslim and are not intimately familiar with the culture. It looks one way to me because I am one of them. Many people emigrate to other countries for reasons like those you state. The native people here don't consider the numerous reasons a person would choose to live here. Every person is a story in a book that never ends. I hope the justice sought is achieved.

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    1. I too hope for justice for the lady.
      This has nothing to do with Islam and culture but still I do not know when religion condemns such acts why people do them.

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  26. very sad indeed i am shocked to hear that .. and one thing i wanna share that u said her mother didn't tried to get justice for her daughter it didn't depicts that she didn't love her or some sort of mentality is behind this .. i think as a mother she definitely was in a deep grief and at that point she was not willing to lose his son to after losing her daughter and moreover as for as Islam is concerned islam has nothing to do with sch things . its just lack of knowledge

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    1. You are right Shahbaz. This happened in Hajira. I was very upset with this
      Thank you for your time and comment.

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